Hello patient readers. I'm sure you are all upset about the shocking and extremely realistic hard crimes street living post preceding this post. What's that you say? You're actually upset that I wasn't giving you enough practical advice on how to do crimes. The most practical advice I can give you is don't do crimes. Not just because of ethics and common human decency, but more importantly because it is the worst financial move you could ever make.
What about Charlie you might ask? Didn't stealing the Holy Chain of T+3 allow him to escape the financial abyss? Wasn't that a good financial move for Charlie? Chuck has a T imprint on his forehead. That's forever. Is that what you want for yourself? He drools a little bit now. Says he can't help it. Little does Charlie know that he has not gotten away with stealing the Holy Chain of T+3. He's just gotten away with it for now. It's only a matter of time until the other shoe drops. I pity the fool who resorts to a life of crime.
We won't all have a hero like Mr T. or Mr. Money Mustache to guide us to the light with a benevolent punch to the face. So I'm going to slap some sense into you with some irrefutable logic.
Some people are smart enough to get away with crimes. Some people are not. Getting away with crimes is very difficult. There are many well paying jobs that are much less difficult than getting away with crimes. If you are a person who is smart enough to get away with crimes, you are also a person that is smart enough to be a productive member of society with a well paying career. In this case you are also smart enough to realize that it's easier to enjoy legal money.
If, on the other hand, you are not smart enough to get away with crimes than the crime really isn't going to benefit you is it? You'll just be even worse off than before. All your other problems will still exist, and you will also be embroiled in the endless cycle of degradation and despair that is the American criminal justice system and for-profit correctional industry.
Like the impossibly vast majority of Americans you probably think you possess above average intelligence. You are probably imagining that you are in the group of people that is smart enough to do crimes. It is much more likely that you just have a lot more self esteem than you have expertise. Here is a test to see if you are smart enough to do crimes as a career. Did you understand what I meant when I said "it's easier to enjoy legal money."? If you didn't understand that then you are not smart enough to do crimes.*
If you understood that simple truth, than you are smart enough to understand why you want to avoid a life of crime at all costs. You are smart enough to predict the obvious consequences for your actions. You are smart enough to realize that "getting away with it" doesn't just mean making it out of the bank with the money. Oh no, that's just when the deception begins. You have to keep that charade going until you get caught, or you die. Are you accounting for the hours you're going to spend working to maintain the lie you now live? Have you even done a cost benefit analysis?
Sorry, but I am going to have to decline your application to be a criminal. Thank you for your interest but you're simply too dumb to succeed in this field. Stick with your day job. If you don't have a day job, consider working in sales. They are always hiring in sales. We here at Financial Fables want to point out that we are not implying that sales is dumb. As with any profession being smart will help you a great deal in sales. Determination goes a long way in sales too though. If you can't be smart you can at least be hardworking and successful. That's a choice.
Getting away with crimes is a highly specialized illegal job that requires a lot of dedication, sacrifice and time. If you spent the same amount of effort on a legal career path you could easily surpass the lifetime earning potential of the criminal. More importantly legal money just spends better. You can't flaunt stolen money. You can't brag about stolen money. I mean at that point, why bother having it all? Dirt takes all the fun out of money.
"So isn't there some reason I could do crimes?" You may ask. Probably because you're a sociopath who enjoys the thrill more than the money. I'm glad you asked. There is one time that committing a crime stands up to strict financial scrutiny. If you want to get incarcerated in order to have your basic survival needs paid for by the American for-profit correctional industry. If you are already so far adrift into the financial abyss that your life is in danger due to the crushing poverty that you are experiencing than going to jail may be your best option. It's not a way out of the financial abyss, but it is a way to survive. The for-profit correctional industry is financially incentivized to keep you alive, so they will probably do that unless you become otherwise inconvenient for them or your fellow inmates. So if you are looking at the endless cycle of degradation and despair that is the American penal system and you are left thinking "How can I get some more of that in my life?" maybe crime is right for you. Just don't come crying to me when Mr. T punches you in the face.
*If that double negative confused you, or scrolling down to read this was hard that's another good indication that you're too dumb for crime.
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