TV Dr. Smarmypants is still kitted out in his lounge garb with his cushy chair. There is still a fireplace even though everything is already on fire on account of it being hell and all.
"Thou shalt not overdraw thine account is the first commandment of the financially pious. Breaking this cardinal money sin will get you sent straight to the first circle of bank hell. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. If you find yourself in the first circle of bank hell the first thing to remember is to not progress to the second circle of bank hell. If you loiter around the first circle of bank hell long enough you will be inexorably sucked into the second circle of bank hell. As I mentioned previously you do not want to go to the second circle of bank hell. Bank hell is similar to Catholic Hell in the sense that you can pay your way out. You're gonna wanna go ahead and do that. Let's see how young Charlie is faring now."
Our boy Chuck is doing better than he has any right to be. He doesn't know he's in bank hell yet. Blissfully ignorant of that fact he is skipping through life and squandering the time he could be spending trying to scare up some side hustle money to pay his way out of the first circle of bank hell. Cut scene to a Chuck Time wasting montage. Please post suggestions in the comments as to ways you imagine Charlie would waste his time. Charlie's next paycheck comes in and he doesn't really account for the $35 he started in the hole this month. His bills and expenses turn out to the same. He doesn't make any life style adjustments. He doesn't get his sweet ham hocks in gear to earn some side hustle money. Quietly the sands of time wear down that paycheck until Charlie's regular monthly spending habits overdraw his account again. This time it's for more than just a measly dollar and so the bank decides not to pay his rent check this time. His landlord hits him with a late fee and a returned check fee. His bank hits him with multiple overdraft fees because this time there were a couple of small transactions that posted after the account was already in the negative. When his next paycheck posts it is already less than what he needs to pay next month's rent. Seems like he just paid that so recently...because he did, on account of it being paid so late. The distinct difference between the first circle of bank hell and the second circle of bank hell is that when you're in the second circle of bank hell you know that you are in the second circle of bank hell.
"Uh Oh Charlie! Looks like young Charlie didn't take my advice." TV Dr. Smarmypants says as if he had actually given Charlie advice at some point. He did not give Charlie advice. He withheld that advice from Charlie. He still has those pictures he took of Charlie sleeping. What do you suppose he is doing with those anyway? Blissfully ignorant of a second narrator TV Dr. Smarmypants continues as if he thinks he is the only narrator of this story.
"Charlie has passed from the first circle of bank hell into the second circle of bank hell. His original fees have created a fee chain reaction causing an account meltdown tsunami of sadness. Young Charlie is in for a world of pain." TV Dr. Smarmypants takes a long pull from his drink and a luxurious draw from his pipe. He's not even sweating; Looks cool as a cucumber in the midst of the flames.
Tune in next week for the next installment of our series TV Dr. Smarmypants explains fees to lazy Americans. Join us as we watch hapless Charlie's inevitable descent into madness and ruin.
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